The Rat Story

Aunt Helen had a rat. She didn’t know she had a rat, because Uncle Dave’s hamster, Doug, was lost in the house for some time and she thought he was responsible for the entire strange goings on. (Reminder: Aunt Helen is blind.)

Doug was not like other hamsters. He was often lost in the environs of the Seagle household. Once he showed up two weeks later on the rim of Marsha’s dog dish, getting a drink of water. Another time, Matt opened the back door in answer to some scratching sounds, expecting Marsha to appear, and Doug scampered across the threshold into hiding.

After a couple of weeks, Aunt Helen discovered he had eaten a huge hole in the steel-hard – excuse me, titanium-strength – plastic of a pretzel box.

Arising one morning, she discovered her bananas were empty skins hanging from their hook. She could hardly believe Doug had devoured them; after all, he’s only a hamster and how could he eat a whole bunch of bananas.

This was just too much for Aunt Helen, so she said, “Dave, I know how much you love Doug, but he has got to go. I’m getting a box of rat poison to put under the kitchen sink before he destroys the house.”

So she did. Later, standing beside the sink she heard shuffling below. The shuffling grew louder and more powerful and Aunt Helen thought the plumbing might go. One little hamster is doing this?

When she checked the box, the poison was all gone and she commented that Doug must have pigged out. It was hard to believe he could eat the whole boxful.

After that, peace dwelt in the house. Apparently Doug had gone to hamster heaven.

Relaxing in her easy chair some days later, Aunt Helen’s super-sensitive nose smelled something putrid so she sent Dave scouting. When he lifted the big upholstered chair, he asked, “Have you been missing your black bra?” She answered in the affirmative and wondered what that had to do with Doug. “Well, said Dave, Here it is and “cupped” inside it is a DEAD RAT!” Ugh.

When Helen settled down, she laughed at all the misconceptions she had harbored about Doug. She said it is alright to tell this story, but I must add that she is an immaculate housekeeper and rats and other large rodents are foreign to her household. I can attest to that.

The picture below is of Dave, Marsha and Helen. I'll bet you figured that out already.

Love you all, Grandma